it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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