Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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