i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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