I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
