I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She bit a glass in half.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
