I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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