My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
