O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
