My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
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Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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