The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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