alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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