Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
