From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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