dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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