After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
