just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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