It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
