her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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