Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
