32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
