Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
