he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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