So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
