drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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