It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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