I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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