Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
