I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
