I must be too annoying 4 u.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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