I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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