Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
