I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
