new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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