got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
