you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
