what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
