Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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