what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
