You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
