my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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