I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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