i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
