I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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