Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
