This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
