every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
