You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He is an equal opportunity slut.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
