I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
