I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
