do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
