Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
