I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
