i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
