is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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