It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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