the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if i died would you start the facebook group?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
