I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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