It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
