Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
