nut hugger
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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