she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
