Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
