Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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