You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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