she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
