is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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