Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
