Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.

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(914): View more from New York

my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.

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(518): View more from New York

I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.

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(917): View more from New York City

I just found a bag of teeth...

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.

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(512): View more from Texas

My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.

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