Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
