if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
