Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
