everyone is single if you try hard enough
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
