What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
