My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize